A Note to Families with a History of Domestic Abuse

Guidance, including on using this website, when there has been abuse against a parent or child. 

First, use these two outstanding websites for immediate help.

• HelpGuide.org
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline: thehotline.org.

  You can call this Hotline at any hour of day or night at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233). You can also call your local law enforcement or prosecutors office, a local domestic violence shelter or program, or a local attorney for assistance.

Second, we think you must seek domestic abuse counseling for yourself with a suitably trained domestic abuse therapist. In our view, there are no exceptions to this. Sorting out the past, present, and future after any episode of domestic abuse (whether against oneself or a child) is almost always too confusing to do alone.

Third, counseling can help you decide which of the ideas, possible Commitments, and Exercises on UpToParents.org would really work for you. Remember there is no grade on the website and there is no "correct" number of Commitments you should endorse. Pick only the ones that would be helpful and appropriate in your circumstances. Certain pledges of courtesy and close cooperation may not be best or safe when family circumstances have been dangerously abusive, so choose what you and your counselor believe would be right for you and your children.

If you or your counselor finds that some of the written Exercises on UpToParents.org are not appropriate for your circumstances, you can still complete the website and receive a Certificate of Completion by answering those Exercises with the words, "I believe that abuse in our circumstances makes this Exercise unhelpful."

We wish you the best.

The UpToParents Team

info@UpToParents.org