The simple reason your children need never see or hear a fight.
A surprisingly large and powerful arsenal of resources supports parents’ peace-making during and after divorce.
- Most parents love their children, and very few actually want to see their children hurt.
- Very few parents want to see their children at a disadvantage compared to other children.
- Once helped to see the connection, most parents can grasp that their own best interests are served by the peace they build first for the sake of their children.
Another powerful instance of parents’ power—and readiness—to do well for their children that we see every day is separated parents’ ability to grasp that there is no reason their children should ever see or hear a fight between them.
We call it the Child Safety Zone (CSZ)—a simple appreciation that any time children see their parents together or hearing them speaking on the phone belongs to the children.
It’s basic mathematics. With each week being composed of about 10,000 minutes and with children of divorce seeing their parent together only a few of those minutes, what justification could there ever be for a fight to take place in front of children? Or during a telephone conversation children can overhear? Or, indeed, for parents to attempt a difficult conversation in front of their children?
Unless parents have progressed in their co-parenting to the point their interaction is consistently and naturally peaceful, the children will see them together (as they report to us) about 4 minutes a week. That's 4 out of 10,000 minutes, meaning that in each week parents have 9,996 other minutes they can have any difficult conversation they think is necessary.
Consider giving your children the gift of the Child Safety Zone: your commitment that your children will have guaranteed peace in those very limited moments they see you together or hear you speaking.
It will make a world of difference to them, will cost you nothing, and will make you proud years from now.
Please print and sign the appropriate Child Safety Zone Pledge:
For your children
For your daughter
For your son